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OnyxI remember the walks we never had under the stars we never saw and the chances to make memories that I missed. I curse myself more and more each day that you're gone. I think of all the times we talked and all that's left for me to say is that I care about you more than anyone else.
I need you more and more each day, I need you here with me. I swear that one day I will see you, and I'll never leave your side.
I can't help keep thinking of the last time that I saw you, of all the things I left unsaid, of all the late night conversations when I should've been begging you to stay instead of flying away in the morning. Spread your wings and come flying back to me.
Maybe Fate has a different plan for us, a future where we can always be together. Until that day I swear you're in my thoughts and prayers…but still…
Saying GoodnightSo here I am. 2am listening to the saddest songs I can find.
All I can think of is you. Nothing else compares to you.
I have realised you are the one I cannot do without.
So I just sit here, pouring out tears of ink,
trying to find the perfect hook, a catchy line to describe the indescribable.
But nothing is that simple.
How can it be when our instruments are hopes and dreams?
I guess that I can never come close to him
I say love is foolish.
I know you love him
But somehow still think you may care for me again one day
Oh well, time for me to sign off now
I say goodnight to your pictures
and hope beyond hope that one day I'll kiss you goodnight.
I should never have let you go.
As Dreams Turn To DustAnd here am I, as emotions fade to grey
Caught in an unwanted spectrum
Feelings crashing down in flames
The small fires sparking and flaring
Singeing the red of my heart
Is this all I am?
A blister on the heart of love
Unloved and uncared for?
Where are you as my dreams turn to dust
As my hope fades and dies in your fire
Your hair sweeping a burning passage
Across the fields of my blackened soul
Turning it to ashes to float on the wind
How can this be?
This pain between us
From something so pure.
Nightly DemonsWhen I was little,
I used to run up the stairs,
To evade the demons that lurked in the darkness.
Afraid that they’d devour my limbs,
But they’ve since migrated into my head,
Some nights, I still lay in bed fearing for my life.
I see myself smirking in the mirror,
Holding a knife to my throat.
Others times, I’ve been thrown into holes
By Shadowy figures
Only to find
That I’ve been digging my own grave.
All aloneBeing surrounded by people
Frightens me deeply
I'd rather be alone
And away from everyone
Alone but not lonely
Here I am
On my own
The way it's supposed to be
The end (acrostic)Through this life we suffer
Heading towards the void
Enduring pain along the way
Ending life early is no solution but
Nothng can prevent death
Dealing with it is all we can do
Poor Wooden Puppymy poor wooden puppy
has a leash
nailed into his throat
has no say
in what the other end
gets wrapped around
or tied to
and when we
walk and run
we roll, tangled
both as likely
to go backward
the where and when
bumps of where
we've already been
(or have we?)
his wooden nose
truth is, puppy
this world really is
its motors and belts
within everyday life
bodies and buildings
behind us, because
only what we want
and no one truly
(Un)RestrainedYou weep like a bird caught in a cage
but your wings are not bound
and no bars corral you, it is time
you leapt free-- grasp to life
like a starving creature clutches
the first buds of springtime.
The world is all a-blossom;
it is calling out for you to fly
and you must, you must unfold
in a burst of glorious plumage
there are no more moments left
for wreathing yourself in loneliness,
like dawn mist envelops and smothers
the early stillness of morning.
Your chrysalis is complete,
peacock child, and your heart
beats with the wind. Listen,
listen: spread wide your arms
and embrace the cosmos inside you;
you were never a lonesome eagle,
but a phoenix awaiting
long time comingI quit smoking and then I quit you
and well I couldn't live without one of the two-
You know, all that bullshit about
'what's a girl to do?'
It feels good to feel bad.
to smear mud on my cheeks
and go down with the sun
on the west coast as it sinks-
to get down on the peninsula
with the black-eyed sihks,
to feel my money burn
up my nose as i peak-
to selfishly slink
into the sludge
and love every
Shatter ChildrenBipolar turns you into a maelstrom. It brings you to your knees and makes you ache. You are naked and raw, your skin a patchwork of fused nerve-endings touched again and again; hot flames and burnt knives licking and lacerating your soul. It smashes you against oystered rock; mad ocean waves in a dead sea. You are no longer in chaos. You are chaos. You become the fuel to set yourself on fire and you can’t stop burning. You can’t put yourself out. You have to burn the flesh and wick and wax until there’s nothing left but fumes and the fire burns out to ash and cinder and black coal, and a toxic wasteland where smoke fills your lungs in soft grey and deadly plumes becomes your body’s home. And then, you re-light. You, your chemistry, a mysterious god, or the world strikes a match.
Schizophrenia makes you shatterglass. You splinter into shards which split and fracture and melt through your hands to vanish into ether. You are thin air treading the spaces between dim
selkieover oceans i let the rain lap at my skin
erode me like granite
tear my voice apart with seafoam
so let me surface a selkie and shed my
hide and dance footprints into
the sand where lovers ebb and flow
and children dream and grow
and seagulls sing songs for the moon
where the whales call and the dolphins squeal
and the reefs bloom and the fish shimmer,
let me grow scales and let me grow feathers
let me grow flesh and let me grow teeth
to string on seaweed and make wishes on
AndieAndie, I know how it feels to cry,
To feel the pain well up inside.
Andie, I know what it's like to feel
as though the world has turned against you
Even though you're half the world away,
I promise that I'll see you someday
And even though you're half the world away
I promise that I'm always here for you.
Andie, I know what it's like
to struggle on against the odds,
even though it seems best to give up:
Andie, I pray you just keep trying
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More